1965 : at the start of "leader of the pack," one of the shangri-las asks, "is she really going out with him?" after all, he drives a motorcyle; he's probably also told at least one teacher to cram it w/ walnuts. oh, nostalgia!

1976 : the damned begin "new rose" w/ "is she really going out with him?" homage? irony? regardless, the most offensive thing about the damned is their fashion sense.

1979 : joe jackson - "is she really going out with him?" (from the look sharp! lp, available for purchase here.)

there's no better time for self-appraisal than when an old flame starts dating a burnt match. this is the first time i can ever recall that there's nothing i'd want to change about myself, nothing i'd wish to exchange w/ the new guy. this should be the cause of no little pride--only, he's got the girl.

2006 : and i'm asking, "is she really going out with him?" joe jackson & i, we're standing at the same window, scratching our heads. "they say that looks don't count for much / if so, there goes your proof." (i didn't say it! joe did!) it's almost more difficult when you can't see what they see in him, when you find it hard to believe that the same girl loved you both; a boy starts to wonder what's wrong with him. i say, it's especially hard when you've heard enough to wonder if she really sees anything in him, other than the ineffability and nonplussing of limbic attachment, his having matched the prototype formed as she witnessed the relationship between her own parents, as she established her own emotional pattern through her relations w/ her father. "people will choose misery with a partner their limbic brain recognizes," the authors of a general theory of love write, "over the stagnant pleasure of a 'nice' relationship with someone their attachment mechanisms cannot detect." and besides, "loneliness outweighs most pain."

oh, but psychological pull aside, it'd be so much easier if she were happy. it really would be. if only my own eyes could deceive me, as hers deceive her, and i could believe otherwise! if positions were reversed, she'd tell me what i'm telling her; as i've said, though, as another has said, you can't take your own advice. there's a reason there are so many self-help books out there : b/c they don't do much for you. but that doesn't stop one from turning to them, hoping that the next time will be better. the only real way out, though, isn't his departure, b/c that doesn't solve the root problem. the only real way out is revision, the fighting of "an uphill battle against the patterns already ingrained."

but it ain't easy.

& loneliness outweighs most pain.