the best commercial on television is for steven seagal's true hollywood story. it seems to be about only twenty seconds long. first, the professional announcer sets the scene, intoning over a montage of seagal images. then it cuts to video footage: seagal, with his back to the camera, is running down a hall. his arms, swinging very freely, are bent at about a 140-degree angle; his hands, open, are pointing towards the ground; his feet are giving his ass a kicking with every stride. over the top of this, a disembodied voice says, "if you look at him run, he runs like a woman."