my best friend just got engaged. certainly, a happy valentine's day all around. and yet we're only in the second month of the year and i have a very real possibility of being a party to three wedding... parties. should i just buy a tux and adjust tie and cummerbund as required? perhaps readers of this site shouldn't be surprised to know that one of the first thoughts that came to my mind was, "i wonder what the wedding song will be?" so, of course, there's me who is the farthest thing in the world removed from being married -- happily, i say! -- and yet i have a disc of proposed first dance songs. (list can be provided upon request.)

but, wait, there's more. a friend's father turns 70 this year; my own personal mother turns 60. i got an evite from a friend for her 30th birthday! what's wrong with people?! if they're not aging, they're marrying and having kids. will i remain the only living boy in new jersey?