have we all seen this yet? sarah millionaire. light bondage. foot fetish videos. she's always seemed a bit blank to me, but suddenly this makes her very interesting.

and somewhere, melissa m. is biting her nails and lighting up another smoke, concerned that a curious nation will soon uncover her secret mercenary work...

vonnegut in a nissan ad. now i've seen it all. it makes one wonder what corporate america has in store for their super bowl ads. pynchon v. salinger in a "tastes great, less filling" brawl? the mind boggles...

the faithful will be rewarded. not by a brilliant piece of writing from yours truly. rather, because i am pointing you in the direction of lil' kim's "the jump off" which is what the kids 'round my way call a heater. a club banger produced by timbaland, it's an encapsulation of everything he's done on a missy record in the last three years. mr. cheeks is around to remind you that his former group once performed a song very similar in character to "the jump off." (and to remind us that, no, he hasn't reconsidered: his name is still "mr. cheeks.") so. i've pointed the way, and now it's up for you to find it. i recommend the 4:02 version.

bear with me everyone. give me just a little more time and i'll have my head together, ready to give you the pop culture coverage you so crave. my mind's just a bit messed up.

while i do that, something to ponder: are american women dumb enough to fall for a second joe millionaire? it seems to have totally pervaded the culture, but could some people still be hoodwinked? maybe a distaff version where men compete for a woman they believe is a playboy pin-up -- they could even make a fake issue! -- but who in reality is a single welfare mom with three kids? a-and they can all stay in the playboy mansion! oh, the possibilities...

mixtape never sent.
1. cliff nobles & co., "the horse" (from beg, scream & shout: the big ol' box of 60s soul boxed set, orig. 1968.)
2. tim buckley, "song for jainie" (from tim buckley lp, 1966.)
3. left banke, "i've got something on my mind" (from walk away renee/pretty ballerina lp, 1967.)
4. dukes of stratosphear, "vanishing girl" (from chips from the chocolate fireball compilation, orig. 1987.)
5. stone roses, "she bangs the drums" (from the stone roses lp, 1989.)
6. pixies, "winterlong" (from complete b-sides compilation, 1989.)
7. orange juice, "louise, louise" (from rip it up lp, 1982.)
8. louis armstrong, "we have all the time in the world" (from the best of james bond: 30th anniversary compilation, orig. 1969.)
9. roxy music, "oh yeah" (from flesh & blood lp, 1980.)
10. new order, "temptation" (from substance compilation, orig. 1982.)
11. johnny cash, "no expectations" (from the essential johnny cash: 1955-1983 compilation, orig. 1978.)
12. howard tate, "girl from the north country" (from howard tate lp, 1972.)
13. bob dylan, "the man in me" (from new morning lp, 1970.)
14. clarence carter, "too weak to fight" (from snatchin' it back compilation, orig. 1968.)
15. teenage fanclub, "neil jung" (from grand prix lp, 1995.)
16. morrissey & siouxsie sioux, "interlude" (from suedehead: the best of morrissey compilation, orig. 1994.)
17. elvis costello & the attractions, "party girl" (from armed forces lp, 1979.)
18. scott walker, "all my love's laughter" (from any day now lp, 1973.)
19. bobby darin, "back street girl" (from moods/swing: the best of the atlantic years: 1966-67 compilation, orig. 1967.)
20. frank sinatra, "i thought about you" (from songs for swingin' lovers! lp, 1955.)
21. pulp, "like a friend" (from great expectations original soundtrack, 1998.)

songs to download & sing: inaugural 2003 edition. (in this order.)
audio bullys, "we don't care"
masssive attack ft. sinead o'connor, "what your soul sings"
nick cave & the bad seeds, "rock of gibraltar"
dmx, "x gonna give it to ya"
girls aloud, "sound of the underground"
common ft. laetitia sadier, "new wave"
shania twain, "nah!"
talib kweli, "get by"
coldplay, "i ran away"
snoop dogg ft. jay-z, soopafly, and nate dogg, "lollipop"

i've been listening to "by the time i get to phoenix" a lot today, though i don't think it has so much to do with the lyrics as it has with the atmosphere created by the chords. (and hello again.) four versions, in particular.
glen campbell, of course. it's the vocal delivery, the plaintiveness, the way he expresses the song's meaning with the sound of his voice. and then it's the very end, the far too brief end, with that fantastic chord change that is a hallmark of webb's best songs (in this case, from eb to f), and the guitar line that winds around the extended sigh of the strings.
isaac hayes takes a small-town town tale, supplies it with a backstory, and makes it universal. not to all tastes, but if you're given to melodrama like myself, it is aces. he inflates both the song, the emotions, and the track length -- 18-plus minutes; it'll still be playing as i finish this. his cover opened the song up for urban appreciation -- the mad lads, solomon burke, the escorts, new york city, and joe tex all have performed their own versions.
frank sinatra's take comes from 1968's cycles, where it was joined by "little green apples" and "both sides, now." it's a shitty album, but it features one of his all-time best album covers -- black-tie, blacker mood, as his hand covers his face -- and his version of "phoenix," one of his best song covers. a song isn't a standard until the voice tackles it (or mauls it), and while his singing is very strong and empathetic, it's the much-maligned don costa and his string arrangement, especially as it decorates that last chord change, that is most noteworthy.
webb's own is marred by excessive earnestness and singer/songwriter emoting, but no one understands hurt in the lyric or the music -- and especially those changes -- better than him. (i believe that this is the only version of the song he produced.) there is an extended meditation on that last change. campbell shows regret; hayes, irremediable pain; frank, genteel resignation; but it is only webb whose rendition reaches a new morning, sore red eyes facing dawn's rays -- that which is presented in the lyric is at last aptly paired with the music.
hell, i suppose i am relating currently after all. hell.